


The Dakimakura Dilemma

by Ishxallxgood



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ALL THE DAKIMAKURAS, Crack, M/M, Not really but Yuuri REALLY wants to kill him, Post-Canon, Viktor Extra Nikiforov, Yuuri's going to kill him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:36:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9614432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood
Summary: Yuuri has just arrived in Saint Petersburg for the first time, and is ecstatic to see Viktor's apartment.It was like a dream come true, and then he sees it, the dakimakura.Pure crack.





	1. Chapter 1

Yuuri was nervous as the car drove them from the airport to Viktor’s apartment.  It was really happening.  He was moving in with Viktor in Saint Petersburg.  It was so surreal and he had to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t dreaming.

 

When they finally arrived at the building, Viktor was boundless energy as he helped Yuuri drag his bags down the long hallway, Makkachin bouncing happily by his side.  Reaching the door, he handed Yuuri the key with a bright smile.  “You do the honors, zolotse.”

 

“Hai,” Yuuri said, taking the key from Viktor, his hand shaking slightly as he inserted it into the lock.  When the door clicked open, he stepped inside in awe, drinking in every last inch of the apartment.  The place was immaculate, but considering Viktor had been away from home for almost a year it was understandable why.  It was everything he dreamed the place would be, of course that magazine article covering the place helped immensely with his vision of the place, almost everything was exactly how it was in that article two years ago.

 

“Do you want a tour?” Viktor asked, as he made his way past Yuuri with the bags toward the bedroom.

 

“Sure.” Yuuri replied, following him, although he was already quite familiar with the layout and overall feel of the apartment.  The moment he stepped into the bedroom he froze.  This was certainly different from the pictures he had poured over.  Sure, the bed was the same, in the same place, the dresser was where he had expected it to be, the armoire was in its rightful corner, but the place was literally littered with an over abundance of dakimakuras, of dakimakuras of _him_.

 

“Viktor…” Yuuri asked apprehensively, earning a cheerful hum from his fiancé, “what the actual fuck?”

 

Viktor whipped around and pulled Yuuri into him, “I don’t understand your question, lyubov moya.”

 

“The… the…” Yuuri stammered, frantically waving his arms, gesturing toward the overwhelming amount of dakimakuras all over the room.

 

“Oh these?”  Viktor asked, grabbing a handful of the pillows, squeezing them close to him.  “Aren’t they wonderful!~”

 

“NO! NO THEY ARE NOT!” Yuuri screamed, grabbing the remaining pillows, “Where did you even get all these from!?”

 

“Oh, Toyko!~  During World’s last year… I was so sad that I didn’t get a chance to see you there, and then I discovered the existence of these guys, so I bought all of them.”

 

“You… discovered them?” Yuuri asked dropping down onto the bed, punching a pillow Yuuri in the face.  “How?  Where?”

 

“In Akihabara!~” Viktor exclaimed, pulling the dakimakura out of Yuuri’s arms.  “Don’t hurt him,” he reprimanded.

 

“You went to Akihabara?  Why?”

 

“Oh!  Well a friend told me about this awesome store there, where I could find these guys.”

 

“ _A friend?_ ”  Yuuri inquired suspiciously when a scarf hanging off the side of the armoire caught his attention.

 

“Yes, a friend.  I do have friends you know.”

 

“Right,” Yuuri replied sarcastically getting up, “and this _friend_ of yours, does he have a name?”

 

Viktor flinched, “Yes… but why do you assume it’s a he?”

 

Yuuri grabbed the scarf from where it was resting, twisting it around his hand as a dangerous look flashed across his eyes.  “BECAUSE I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL PHICHIT!”

 

Viktor squeaked, and lunged toward the hideous scarf, attempting to pry it out of Yuuri’s hand, only to fail and crash onto the floor.  Luckily his fall was broken by half a dozen body pillows with Yuuri’s image plastered all over them.  “Hey, give that back!  It’s mine and my fiancé made it for me and I adore it.”

 

Yuuri was ignoring him, holding the scarf out of reach as he furiously typed away at his phone, the color draining from his face as it pinged in response.  “No, no, no!”  Yuuri shouted at his phone, resisting the urge to smash it into the wall.

 

Before Yuuri could stop it, Viktor’s phone went off and he watched in horror as the attachment Phichit evidently just sent Viktor loaded.  Leaping up onto his feet a look of pure joy crossed over Viktor’s face, his mouth opening into that wonderful heart shaped smile of his.

 

“YUUUUUURI!~” Viktor exclaimed excitedly, waving the phone in Yuuri’s face.  “You… the… the… they… oh my god… me…” He stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence.

 

Rubbing at his temples Yuuri had half a mind to wrap the scarf around Viktor’s neck and just end him now.  Unfortunately he would miss him too much if he murdered him now so he stayed his hand.  “Yes Viktor.  They make one of you too… and I owned one.”

 

“WHERE IS IT!?” Viktor practically screamed in his face before rushing to unzip all of Yuuri’s bags, pulling everything out of them.

 

“I didn’t bring it!  WHY WOULD I BRING IT!?”

 

Viktor froze, “well… for one, I mean, pillow Yuuri would appreciate his mate.”

 

“Don’t you dare.” Yuuri warned, knowing it was too late, because the thought had already formed in Viktor’s mind.

 

In the end, Yuuri got his way, and Viktor rounded up all the dakimakuras and stashed them away into hall closet.   It didn’t take long for Yuuri to assimilate into his new life with Viktor, and as the weeks passed, he even forgot about the dakimakuras until a box suddenly appeared in the apartment.

 

“Viktor’s what’s this?” Yuuri asked, gesturing toward the large box sitting in the center of the apartment.

 

Peeking his head into the living room, Viktor’s face lit up with an expression that Yuuri knew only spelt trouble.  “IT CAME!”  He exclaimed, rushing into the living to open the box.  

 

Curiously Yuuri peered over Viktor’s shoulder as he ripped open the box, disbelief washing over his face as Viktor pulled out a vacuum sealed package.  Viktor didn’t need to open it for Yuuri to already know what it was, even though it was scrunched up and the image was distorted, Yuuri knew that particular color scheme.

 

Gleefully Viktor tore open the plastic, the body pillow inside inflating with air and he was greeted with an image of himself.  “Isn’t it beautiful?” Viktor asked, holding the dakimakura up for Yuuri to see.

 

“It’s a fucking masterpiece.” Yuuri seethed, as Viktor pulled out another one, and another one, and another one.  How many fucking dakimakuras did he buy anyway!?

 

Yuuri watched horrified as Viktor pulled out a different dakimakura, the bright pinkish purple of Viktor’s costume wasn’t present, and before Viktor even tore it opened it dawned upon him what it could possibly be.  “No.” Yuuri gasped, as Viktor pulled out the new pillow, squealing with joy as he clutched the dakimakura with this season’s Yuuri on it.

 

Rushing toward the box Yuuri ventured a look inside, almost fainting when he saw the sheer amount of body pillows Viktor had purchased.  “VIKTOR!”  He exclaimed, grabbing the new pillow Viktor had fished out of the box out of his hands before he could inflate it. “Where are we going to put all these!?”  

 

Viktor paused and looked around the apartment contemplatively.  “Hmm…” He mused, going over to the hall closet and pulling it opened, the twenty some-odd older dakimakuras tumbling out.  Deep in thought he suddenly opened the front door and exited the apartment, returning half an hour later with the biggest grin on his face.

 

Taking a deep breath, Yuuri braced himself for what was going to come out of Viktor’s mouth next, knowing whatever it was, he wasn’t going to like it.

 

“I’ve solved the dakimakura dilemma.”  Viktor announced, grabbing a few as he exited the apartment again.  A minute later he reemerged, hands empty as he grabbed a few more.

 

“What’s going on?” Yuuri asked apprehensively, following Viktor out of the apartment, his jaw dropping as Viktor entered the apartment next door.

 

“THIS IS YOUR FUCKING SOLUTION!?”

 

“Oh yes, see this way, they have a place to live. Pillow Yuuri doesn’t have to be lonely anymore because I got each and every one of them a mate, and new Yuuri doesn’t have to get jealous, because I ensured that there were enough Viktor’s to go around.”  Viktor beamed.

 

Growling to himself Yuuri went back into their apartment, shoved all the dakimakuras into the box and dragged it next door.  Viktor’s eyes lit up upon seeing Yuuri being so cooperative, and Yuuri flashed him a smug smile before leaving again, dead-bolting the door to their actual apartment as the door closed behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter nobody wanted, but everybody needed.
> 
> Now I understand that they're actually smallish pillow covers/futon covers, but you know what, that doesn't work in the realm of this story, so they're dakimakuras now.

“Tadaima!” Yuuri called out, letting the door close behind him before setting his keys down, shifting the box in his arms.

 

“Okaeri.” Came Viktor’s response from the couch, as he turned around and flashed Yuuri a brilliant smile, his eyes falling onto the box.  “Is that for me?”

 

Dropping the box onto his fiancé’s lap Yuuri leaned down for a kiss.  “Yes.” He replied as he released Viktor and went to shrug off his coat before dropping down next to him. “What is it?”

 

Viktor smiled madly as he tore opened the box, pulling out a plastic vacuumed sealed rectangle, before turning toward Yuuri, an expression of pure joy on his face.  “You’re going to love this.” He exclaimed, ripping open the plastic.

 

Yuuri bit down on his lower lip as he narrowed his eyes at Viktor, trying really hard to convince himself it is not what he thinks it is.  “Viktor…” He said, his voice heavy with warning.

 

“Yuuri!~” Viktor purred in response, releasing a new dakimakura from its plastic prison.  “Look how beautiful it is.”

 

“What the…?” Yuuri gaped at the image printed on the white body pillow in disbelief.  “I’m so confused… why would they? How? WHAT!?”

 

Viktor let out a squeal of delight as he hugged the pillow close to him.  “I had him commissioned, I sent them the picture to use… look, he even have your ring.” He said releasing it from his grip to show Yuuri the hand that was clutching the phone.

 

“You WHAT!?” Yuuri cried, jumping to a stand.  “I don’t even remember you taking that picture…”

 

Viktor pouted up at him, “you don’t like him?”

 

“I don’t think we need  _ more _ dakimakuras in our lives.”  Yuuri let out an exasperated sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose.  “You know what, I don’t even care anymore.  Enjoy your pillow.”

 

Viktor looked from the body pillow and then up at Yuuri who had by now turned his back to him, the pout intensifying slightly as he put down the dakimakura and came to a stand. Wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s waist he rested his chin on the younger man’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry this upsets you lyubov moya, I got it so I wouldn’t be so lonely on those days we’re forced to be apart.”

 

Letting out a breath Yuuri relaxed against him.  “Really?”

 

“Yes my love, see, I only got one.” Viktor replied gesturing toward the empty box.

 

Turning in his arms, Yuuri rested his elbows on Viktor’s shoulders as he ran his fingers through his silver hair.  Viktor had a point, it was rough when they’re apart, perhaps getting a dakimakura of Viktor commissioned for himself wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

 

Two weeks later when they were checking their mail, Yuuri almost screamed in delight when he saw the box addressed to him.  Viktor for his part just looked at him with a raised eyebrow until he saw the return address, a huge grin spread across his face as Yuuri tore the box open.

 

“There,” Yuuri said, releasing the pillow from its plastic vacuum sealed hell. “Now your pillow Yuuri has his mate.”

 

“OH YUURI!~” Viktor squealed in excitement.  “You even had them put in Makkachin!”

 

“Of course!  I missed both of you when we were separated during Nationals.”  Yuuri replied, sitting the pillow down next to its counterpart.

 

The screech that escaped Yuri Plisetsky the next day when he came by after practice would make you think that someone murdered his cat and mailed it to him in a box.

 

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME ARE THOSE!?”  The angry teenager demanded, pointing an accusing finger at the two dakimakuras propped up on the couch.  “As if the two of you could get any more disturbing…”

 

Yuuri just blinked at the angry teenager, “You should see the apartment next door.” He deadpanned, and Yuri honestly did not even want to know.

 

“What’s up with those ridiculous poses, and is this even for real?  Like they’re actually selling this shit?  Who the fuck would want a body pillow of Katsudon  _ WEARING HIS FUCKING WEDDING RING _ ?”

 

“I for one would.” Viktor offered.  “I mean obviously, since I bought one.”

 

Yuri glared at him, “And seriously, YOUR DOG!?  YOUR FUCKING DOG IS ON A BODY PILLOW.”

 

Yuuri blushed and smiled sheepishly, “That was my fault… when I found out he commissioned that one of me, I couldn’t help myself.  I miss Makkachin when we’re separated too.”

 

“Wait, you losers commissioned these.  What the actual fuck.”  Yuri threw both pillows onto the floor and plopped down where they were seated before, glaring daggers at them.  “Where did you commission them from?  I want one of me too.  They should be a set.”  He mumbled, and Yuuri silently grinned at him and handed him the laptop.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you are wondering about the scarf and haven't read [Re: Yuri Katsuki](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9410273) read [this chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9410273/chapters/21464600) and you'll understand.


End file.
